Magic, Vampires, and Sarcasm
by Priestess of shadows
Summary: My life was already complicated enough as it was, but now that I got dragged into a supernatural war among vampires it went completely to hell. I hate my life, even if it was a massive improvement to what my old life used to be. AU. OC-centric.


**Disclaimer: I do not own servamp in any way, shape, or form.**

 **WARNING: THIS IS AN AU WITH BLOOD, GORE, A LOT OF FOUL LANGUAGE (AND I MEAN A LOT), POOR ATTEMPTS AT HUMOR, YAOI (MENTIONED ONLY) AND OC CENTRIC. MORE WARNINGS WILL PROBABLY ADDED IN FUTURE CHAPTERS.**

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 **CHAPTER ONE:**

 **The shopping center that lead me to hell**

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God, did the chapter title have to be so fucking dramatic, its making it sound like I'm some kind of kick-ass bitch with powers that are op as fuck! First of all, I am fucking _12,_ I haven't even begun puberty yet, so don't try pulling bullshit like this! And second of all, I am no goddamned mary sue (Those things should be killed with fire)!

I got off topic didn't I?

Sorry about that, its just that I don't like drama (which is ironic since my entire _life_ is full of it). I guess I should start again shouldn't I? *cough**cough*

My name is Kou Rui and I am 12 years old, and this is the story of how my life became so batshit crazy.

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I woke up to the disgusting smell of trash, and the sounds of people walking and being an over all nuisance to small homeless 12 year old girls trying to get some rest. Honestly, some people are so rude!

Yes that's right, I am homeless. You all are probably curious aren't you?

Well I suggest that you forget it because it's not important right now.

I sighed knowing that I wouldn't get anymore sleep, people just didn't know how hard it is for a homeless 12 year old to go to sleep. I mean I _am_ 12, there is a lot of things I need to look out for; drug addicts, other homeless people, cops, child services, pedo bears, human traffickers, and supernatural beings that could kill me as easily as breathing.

Life on the streets is savage man, savage.

I stood up and started dusting off my faded orange hoodie, not that it made any difference since it was stained and ripped in a couple of places. My jeans weren't in any different condition, that also went for my shoes.

I sighed once again knowing that I needed to get new clothes, which meant pick pocketing, breaking into someone's house to get cleaned up, sneaking into the clothing store, shoplifting, and buying food (Yeah, I _do_ plan on paying for food, I'm weird like that). So many things I needed to do and it was barely 5 in the fucking _morning._

Life just sucks sometimes.

I secured my black backpack, made sure that my hunting knife was securely in my knife holster belt ( yes, I do have a knife _and_ knife holster belt, live with it), and made absolutely sure that my bangs covered my eyes. It wasn't like I didn't like my eyes, or was self conscious about them. My eyes are a silver color, which seems to act as some sort of signal to everyone in the vicinity that seemed to read _'look over here, here is a homeless child. Look here and ruin her day by staring at her.'_

The first rule of surviving living on the streets, don't attract any kind of attention to yourself. Unfortunately, my eyes didn't get the memo (or are simply out to get me), so I got in the habit of covering my eyes with my bangs.

Once I made sure I had everything with me (and no one was around), I stepped out of the alleyway and onto the street.

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From then on my day went as I planned, with pick pocketing a couple of rich looking douchbags like a ninja, breaking into an empty house as if I have done it a million times before (which I have), and got cleaned up. After that little adventure I sneaked into a clothing store and proceeded to shoplift brand new clothes like a _boss,_ with a little (okay, a lot) of help from my magic. Yes, you did read that right.

Confession time, I am a sorceress in training. Everyone please note the word _'training'_ in the previous statement. I would like to remind everyone at this point that I am 12, so I am a beginner when it comes to magic. The only thing that I can do right now is create small illusions (which help me hide myself), short circuit electronics like some kind of magnetic pulse (which is how I snuck into the store and shoplifted undetected), and affect small things around me in small burst of magical concentration. So please, don't get it into your head that I'm an all powerful sorceress, because I am not.

Anyway, it wasn't until the evening after buying food that everything went to hell (for me at least).

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I moaned in contentment after taking a bight out of the chocolate bar I just bought (what, I am a choco addict okay. Don't judge me!), and yes I did buy it. One of my many quirks is that the only thing I can't take without paying for it is food, I don't know why it's just how I am.

My moment of bliss was shattered by a obnoxiously loud voice. "Hello, hello students! Along the worthless road of youth, won't you stop and watch my show?"

I turned around and froze at what I saw. It was a man that appeared to be in his mid twenties with long pink hair tied back in a ponytail with matching glasses. He wore a white suit with a white top hat, as well as a black band around his neck. Now most people would just write this guy off as a harmless magician (goddamned posers if you ask me), but I am not most people.

When you live on the streets you learn to always listen to your instincts, ignoring them is something only a fucking dumbass would do. Right now my instincts were telling me that this fucker was dangerous.

When the man grabbed a boy (probably a few years older than me) and started listen off reasons why he stopped the boy, my hand automatically went to my knife in my holster (in case your wondering, the holster is engraved with runes that make it invisible to anyone other than the one wearing it, and the same goes for my knife as long as it is in its sheath).

When the man suddenly _bit_ the boy, two things ran through my head as my hand grasped the handle of my knife. One was ' _Holy fuck it's a goddamned vampire!'_ and the other was, _'for fuck's sake, his an attention whore.'_ I (being the idiot that I am) stood frozen as the other people ran away screaming. As I stood there I observed the attention whore (I don't know his name, so I am going to call him that), because turning your back on a predator means you can't see it nor defend yourself when it comes after you.

Then the attention whore turned his attention to another boy who was also older than me, and started talking about how he picked up a vampire named ' _sleepy ash'_ , the vampire of sloth. Jesus Christ, first an attention whore vampire, more vampires that represent the seven deadly sins, and now a boy who happened to pick one up which got him (and everyone else here) involved. What is this, a fucking shounen manga.

Suddenly the attention whore started acting like a dumbass, and starting calling out this vampire of sloth ( which is idiotic since I assume this particular vampire was powerful as shit). I think that regardless of how today would end, he wouldn't act like such a dumbass next time since he got a nice kick to the face from (I assume) this ' _sleepy ash'_.

As all of this was going on, I managed to hide in the shadows of an alleyway with one hand on my knife (ready to take it out and use it) and the other fingering the rosary around my neck. Fun fact about me, I am an atheist but I was raised (until I ran away that is) a catholic. The only reason I kept the rosary was because it was given to me by someone I loved dearly. The person who also told me what I was, taught me the few spells that I know, gave me both my knife and holster, as well as taught me to fight with my knife...

woo there Eri, now is not the time to go to your dark place. Sorry, that is one particular sore (and sad) subject for me.

As I snap back from my ' _dark place'_ , I noticed that the kid from earlier was in an alleyway arguing with this ' _sleepy ash'_ and the attention whore was recovering. As he turned his attention to the kid he attacked earlier (who was more than likely bleeding to death) and his friend who was trying to stop the bleeding.

Remember when I told you guys that only a dumbass would ignore his instinct, well it appears that I am a dumbass since I was Ignoring them (and they were at this point screaming _'what the fuck are you doing you stupid fucker?! Run bitch, RUUUUUUUUUN!'_ ). As the attention whore got ready to attack those two poor fuckers, I did one of the stupidest things I have ever done.

I took my knife out and threw it. The attention whore howled in pain as my knife hit him...right on his ass cheek. I shrugged, I was aiming at his leg but that works too.

The attention whore quickly pulled out my knife and immediately let it go hissing, as if it burned him. "WHO THREW THAT?! GET OUT HERE SO I CAN KILL YOU!", he started yelling in rage. Before he could make anymore threats, the boy from earlier actually _jumped_ on the raging vampire (damn, that kid got some balls) and started yelling at his friend to take the one that was injured and get the hell out of here. Then everything went so fast that when I processed what was happening, the attention whore was on the ground defeated (and bleeding) while the boy was reprimanding the other one for trying to kill the attention whore.

That made me stare at the kid because...wow man, wow.

I moved silently at where they were and finally studied them. The boy had short, light brown hair that framed his face with matching large brown eyes. He wore a brown shirt with a white collar, over his shirt was an orange jacket, with the sleeves slightly rolled up with a red tie around his neck. His beige pants ended just below his knees, his sneakers white and orange. The other one ( the one that I assumed was the vampire sleepy ash) had shoulder-length blue hair with his front bangs reaching his eyes, which were red with big, dark bags under them. They were also half-lidded and expressed a feeling of boredom. His teeth were pointed, that being the only indication that he was a vampire. He wore a blue jacket which was a tad darker than his hair color, the hood had black fur which made him look like a cat. His blue jacket was buttoned open, with chest pockets on both sides, the hem of it splitting into many threads, starting short at the front but grow in length as they reached his back. There was also a patch on his left shoulder with the Roman numeral 1. His white pants were skin-tight and had long black boots that almost reach his knees.

My first thought when I fully studied them was, _'oh look at that, an adorable human uke and a badass vampire seme.'_ What, it's true! And I am a big Yaoi fangirl, and you're going to have to deal with it.

No one noticed me as I got closer, and when I was close enough to catch what the attention whore was saying ( who was now a doll, what the actual fuck?) I heard him talking about someone named _'tsubaki'_ who wanted to kill everyone because no one knew him.

Wow, what a drama queen.

Me, being an idiot once again, blurted out, "Sounds like someone has some _real_ issues they need to work out."

That startled everyone as they turned towards me so fast, I feared they may have suffered whiplash. Then the chains that connected both the boy and _'sleepy ash'_ broke, and the vampire fell face first into the pavement.

"kuro!", screamed the boy (okay, I am officially confused, is the vampire _'sleepy ash'_ or not?). I, once again in a show of my infinite wisdom, walked to the fallen vampire and kicked him to see if he was alive. "Ow", was his reply. Nodding to myself for successfully finding proof of life, I then turned to the boy. "I think your pet vampire ran out of gas, man", I told him dryly. The before mentioned kid was staring at me like _'OMG, I can't believe you just did that! Are you a fucking retard?!'_ Which I am not quite sure at this point.

"Anyway," I began, sounding like kicking a vampire that is down was something I did every Wednesday. "I came to get my knife back." At my words, the doll version of the attention whore started raging at me (okay seriously, what the fuck?). "YOU BITCH, WHEN I GET BACK INTO MY REAL FORM I AM GOING TO KILL YOU! AND WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT KNIFE, MY WOUNDS HAVEN'T HEALED!" I actually blinked in surprised at that, and looked closely at the doll. What he said was true, the hand that touched my knife was slightly burned and the place that he got stabbed was bleeding (how in the hell does a doll fucking bleed?!). Before I could retort (and dig my own grave deeper than it already was), I started getting dizzy. As I blacked out, only one thing went through my mind.

 _'God, I hope I was tripping on acid, or someone is getting stabbed.'_

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 _ **I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter, and I apologize for any mistakes that I may have made.**_

 _ **Also, this will be a mix of both the anime and manga, just so none of you get confused.**_


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